5/5/13
Spring - Now here's the part where I grab my paper bag, and cover my face, and finally admit to having an Instagram. Shameful, I know, but it was unavoidable and rather inevitable if you ask me. That said, I have stayed mostly to my pact of keeping it tea/coffee and nerdy related, but Spring has put well, a "spring" in all that, if you'll pardon my bad pun. I find myself posting photos of flowers, and worse yet, of dresses, and myself in dresses. Shocking I know, I hate dresses, it's a fact. But, as I was standing rather begrudgingly in a Kohl's dressing room, last minute, trying on yet another dress for a wedding I had to be at in an hour, I found myself appreciating how I looked in one particularly flowery and flowy dress. I will say, until the day I die that I hate that dress, and all others I've ever owned (all 4 of them). I really will. Next time though, that I say to you "I hate this dress", listen closely as I walk away in my absurd puff of anger because you may hear me muttering "but I hate it less than all the others" under my breath. So, having realized this I resigned to the thought that maybe I am, if only a slight bit, that kind of girl I swore so adamantly to myself I would never be. Who knows. One thing is for sure though, You will NEVER get me to admit it. And to that I say "bring me another manly action flick."----------------------------------
7/24/13
I like summer, I really do, but it's not my favorite season. Not by a long shot. I think a friend of mine summed summer up quite nicely when he said "that the first day of summer is one of the most boring days of your life." It's sadly true. I mean I look at it like this, you spend a good three quarters of the year looking forward to this one two and a half month break, only to be blind sided by the extreme boredom that comes from that much freedom so suddenly. And it's not even that which bothers me so much, it's the damned summer work. You figure, one marking period is about three months give or take, and summer is about two and a half. So, assuming you have the work load I do over the summer, that's four full length novels, several grammar packets, two essays, a history assignment I haven't even bothered to look at yet, and five full illustrations in graphite for Port Prep. Now, assuming in one marking period you'd read one book, cover four or five chapters in history and complete maybe two illustrations, the amount of work that the school gives to you for the summer is the vague equivalent to two and a half marking periods worth of work all crammed into less than a full marking period worth of time. So summer means vacation and beaches and fun, sure. But for students like myself it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I don't know, I guess that's why I don't like summer that much. The work. But also to that degree, I cannot stand the heat, or the storms, or how little I see my friends. But I do enjoy the free time (however little of it). So, as much as I detest school in general, with it's institutional rules and regulations, the stuff they try to pass off as food, and the over crowded halls of the big high school, I love seeing my friends and I love learning in a class where the teacher is passionate about his/her subject. So, to wrap up. I think my favorite season is Fall.----------------------------------
I don't actually know the date of this one.
I was listening to a song not too long ago, last Tuesday, I think. And the first verse just kind of stuck with me: "I know the dog days of the summer have you ten to one outnumbered. It seems like everybody up and left and they're not coming back, the shadow that you're standing on is still here and sometimes that's all that you can ask. And your heart's still beating." I'm not one to prattle off a quote and then give a goddamned novel worth of over analysis on how this and that symbolized whatever the hell it actually doesn't, but I can say, that this verse does ring true for me all to often. It's a big damn world, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. And in the sea of endless summer that's branded by the reality of it's less than endless length, it's easy to find yourself alone. So sure, friends go on vacation, and you're left behind, but there's this thing about summer. Everyone goes through that summer transformation, that period where they get a hair cut, new glasses or new clothes, and suddenly they're not the same. And it's not just that they look different, they're older, mentally at least. Some shit went on during the summer that hardened them, and now they're just a little bit more mature, just a little bit more jaded by the world, a little bit more bitter towards it. And it's that, that one thing, that stands out the most to me. Because everyone goes through it, and in an odd sort of way it's how you're left alone. Not that whoever went where ever for vacation, it's that some thing happened, and they're all moving on, they only way they can to cope with it. And there you are, standing alone in that sea of endless summer clinging to whatever the hell you can, because you've had shit happen too. And at the end of the day, when they're all moving forward, and so are you, you've got to hang on to something just to keep yourself grounded. The fact that one thing will always be there, never changing, is more than it seems. It's well, more than you can ask. But I guess, it's that last line that gets me. I've always said "Even if the entire day was shit, try to find something good about it, even if that's that you woke up today and took a breath." At the end of the day, your heart's still beating. Come hell or high water, you're still here, you're still standing, still you, still alive, and I'll be damned if that isn't something to be thankful for.----------------------------------
